


Abracatabra

by overratedantihero



Category: DCU, Green Lantern (Comics), The Flash (Comics), Zatanna (Comics)
Genre: Animal Transformation, Established Relationship, Hijinks, Magic, Multi, Polyamory, but with established westallen too, hal is a cat, halbarry centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-07 00:38:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11047674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overratedantihero/pseuds/overratedantihero
Summary: The Flash and Green Lantern fight Circe, with cat-astrophic results.





	Abracatabra

**Author's Note:**

> I am a self serving hedonist, enjoy

Barry chewed his lower lip. He reached to run his fingers through his hair and was interrupted by his cowl. He scanned the perimeter, briefly ran through the area within a 10-mile radius, and when he was absolutely certain that there was no one near enough, awake enough, or engaged enough to compromise his secret identity, he pushed his cowl away and gave his hair a proper pulling. After taking a deep breath, he released his hair to gaze forlornly at the stirring body on the floor. The stirring body that had been, only minutes before, that of Hal Jordan. The stirring body that was now that of a long-haired, brown tabby _cat_.

The cat blinked up at him, coffee colored eyes flecked with an unfamiliar gold. Barry released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. No cat on Earth claimed those eyes, even with their gilded distortion—this was still Hal. Then Hal the Cat stood, stretched, shook his head as if to shake away the fog of his prior unconsciousness. When he blinked up at Barry again, Barry thought he read confusion on Hal’s face. It was hard to tell, Barry had only ever had the one dog growing up, and Thawne had killed it.

“Hal, honey,” Barry began, crouching down to Hal’s level. Hal tilted his head as he looked up at Barry. Barry never called him honey. Barry wasn’t sure why he called him honey now. Maybe he had hoped it was soothing. “Hal, I’m going to need you to stay calm, okay? We’re gonna fix this, alright?”

Hal opened his mouth as if to speak, but a low yowl escaped instead. Then, Hal began to freak out. Barry silently thanked whatever gods existed that he had received super speed and not, say, strength, because it was only with super speed that he could keep up as Hal tore apart the room in his panic. Unfortunately, that room was in a library.

“Hal! You are a grown man, stop clawing the furniture! This is a public library; you _know_ they don’t have the funds to replace any of this!” Barry demanded, too nervous to reach out and grab him but too concerned about the public property to allow Hal’s upset to cause any more damage.

Hal stopped, his tail violently beating back and forth as he yowled pitifully at Barry. Barry crouched again and reached out, stroking the fur from Hal’s nose to up between his ears experimentally. Hal’s tail stilled, but he meowed again. Barry fell back on his ass as he considered their options.

“First, we need to call Diana,” he said, scratching Hal behind his left ear. Hal tilted his head and meowed again. He daintily crawled into Barry’s lap, rubbing his body against Barry’s torso in an urge that Barry assumed was involuntary. Barry pet down Hal’s spine a few times before resuming the head pets. “We’ll let her know that Circe is out and about. It can’t be good to let her wander around for too long.” Hal nipped Barry’s wrist.

“Right, exactly. Because,” Barry used his free hand to gesture to Hal. “Stuff like this.” Soothed, Hal licked Barry’s wrist where he had bitten. Barry accepted the apology.

“Then, we need to find someone to break this… curse? Spell? Whatever this is. I bet Zatanna could do it, if we asked nicely. Can I carry you to the Watchtower like this?”

Hal responded with a low, rumbling growl.

“Hal, be reasonable. We don’t have to tell anyone what happened. And even if we did, no one would think less of you.”

Hal m’rowed and added a warning growl for good measure. His ears pressed sideways, which was cute, even considering the situation. Barry’s eyes drifted and he noticed Hal’s power ring lying on the floor. He bent over and plucked it up. Taking inspiration from a Red Lantern he knew of, Barry stroked Hal’s back before reaching for Hal’s tail.

“Hold still, and don’t get annoyed,” Barry murmured. He slipped the ring as far down Hal’s tail as he could. The long hair fur didn’t help slide the ring on, but it did make for a comical image as it poofed out on either side of the green band.

“What the hell, Bar,” Hal said even though he pursed his like in a ‘meow.’ Barry clapped his hand over his mouth, and Hal narrowed his eyes. “What?”

“You’re just really cute like this,” Barry cooed from behind his fingers. “You’re a cat but you sound like Hal and you have a ring dangling from your tail like Dex-Starr.”

“I don’t sound like Hal, I _am_ Hal!” Hal growled, annoyed. “And I’m going to claw that witch to pieces next time I see her.”

“It’s not polite to call women witches,” Barry chided. “The polite term is sorceress.”

“When I’m human again I’m rolling my eyes at you. Just for that,” Hal said. While Hal spoke, Barry resumed petting him and a purr erupted from Hal’s chest. Barry physically melted, sliding onto his stomach as he scratched more vigorously and tried to rub noses with Hal.

“Stop that!” Hal whined, ducking his head so that Barry’s nose connected with his fur instead. Barry contented himself with rubbing his nose there instead.

“If I could own a pet without Thawne trying to kill it, I would adopt a cat. You’re so fluffy it’s precious,” Barry cooed, his voice lowering and taking on a playful lilt. Hal swiped at Barry’s face, claws carefully tucked away so that they couldn’t hurt.

“Call Diana.”

Barry sighed but did as Hal the Cat asked. Diana thanked him for the information and confirmed his plan to see Zatanna. After they hung up, Barry dialed for Zatanna. She didn’t pick up. He tried twice more, but to no avail. Just within eyesight, Hal was batting at the window blinds’ string across the room.

“Bar. Bar, you have to try this. Every time it moves, I get this like _rush_ ,” Hal demonstrated, his pupils constricting as he lifted his front paws to claw the string while his teeth snagged the plastic nib at the end.

Barry couldn’t resist. He snapped a photo using his phone.

Hal’s head swung in his direction and Hal abandoned his fight with the blinds to glare daggers at Barry. “Delete the photo, Bartholomew,” Hal said, tail swishing as he circled Barry.

“No,” Barry retorted. “It’s a cute photo. No one will see it but me, I promise.” Barry offered his pinkie as if to swear. Hal bit him.

“You’re going to be even angrier when I tell you that Zatanna isn’t answering,” Barry said.

“No, I won’t get angry. Because you’re not going to say what you seem to think you’re about to say. You’re not going to do it, Bar. I won’t stand for it.”

“… Do you want me to carry you, or do you want a cat carrier that you can sit in.”

“Bartholomew Allen, if you put me in a cat carrier I will leave you and move in with Ollie instead.”

Barry flinched as if wounded. “Fine, no cat carrier. But I need to get you to New York somehow, so….” Barry bent down and gingerly scooped Hal up, immediately holding Hal close to his chest. He stroked the fur between Hal’s eyes again, shifting so that his other arm more fully supported Hal’s legs.

“Why are we going to New York, Bar?” Hal hissed, knowing full well what was in New York. “Don’t do this, B--”

Barry took off and they were in New York City within minutes. The sudden movement had spooked Hal, who was clinging to Barry with every claw. When Hal extracted himself from the fabric of Barry’s costume, he looked around to take in the apartment complex at which they’d arrived. It was dingy, but then again, everything looked dingy with Hal’s vision as it were. Worse were the smells.

Even worse was when Barry approached an apartment door and knocked. It took several minutes and Barry threatening to vibrate through the door before it swung open and John Constantine, in his wrinkled button up and worn trench coat, appeared in its threshold.

“You’re not my usual type of visitor,” John muttered, lighting a cigarette. “What the bloody hell do you want at,” John leaned back into the apartment to check the clock, “five in the fucking morning.” 

Barry held out Hal, who hissed at John.

“It’s a cat,” John noted. “And a pissy one at that. Anything else?”

“It’s not a cat,” Barry said. “It’s the Green Lantern. See his tail.”

John glanced at the ring on Hal’s tail. He glanced at Hal. He sighed, wiping his hand across his face. “I don’t suppose this is John Stewart, is it?”

Barry shook his head.

“’Course not,” John muttered. “Not with my shite luck. Come on in, then. You’re letting the putrid air mingle with the polluted air and that can’t be good for anyone’s health.”

Barry followed John in, holding Hal close to his chest again while Hal growled, long and low.

“Yeah, yeah,” John muttered as Barry perched on his couch. “Nice to see you too. Though you were taller when we met last. Guess being human adds a few inches.”

Hal hissed.

“He was cursed,” Barry offered up. “By a sorceress. Circe.”

John addressed Hal, “Never knew when to keep it in your pants, did you? First me and now a witch. Really, Hal?” Hal hissed.

Barry pulled Hal against his chest defensively. “It was for the League,” Barry said. “We stumbled on her trail so we tried tracking her. She lured us into close quarters and ambushed us. ‘S all. Nothing like that… Hal wouldn’t--”

John held up his palms. “Okay. Relax there, love. If it’s League business, did you try calling Zee?”

“Yes,” Barry said. “She didn’t pick up. She might be off-world.”

“Is Circe still on the move? The best bet for lifting curses is for the caster to release the victim, usually.” John lit another cigarette, having spent the first.

“We didn’t catch her, but Wonder Woman is working on it. That could take a while though.”

John grunted, running his hands through his hair. “I’ll cast a circle,” he finally shrugged. He stood and left the room, giving Hal a chance to openly glare at Barry.

“What?” Barry asked. “I couldn’t leave you as a cat, Hal. Just because Dex-Starr is pulling it off doesn’t mean you can too.” Hal flicked his tail.

“I would appreciate it if you stopped comparing me to him,” Hal retorted. “Also, Constantine’s an occultist, we would have been better off waiting for Za--”

“Well, don’t be like that, mate,” John said, returning with a plethora of paraphernalia. Hal’s entire back arched and he jumped before scrambling up Barry’s torso. Barry grimaced as Hal’s claws dug into his chest. “I don’t remember you whining so much the last time we--”

“Thank you _so_ much for doing this,” Barry gushed strategically. “Seriously. I know you’re probably very busy, and this was entirely unannounced.” John raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment on the saccharine gratitude.

Instead, John moved furniture around until his hardwood floor was bare. He spread out his tools and set to work on drawing a pentacle encased in a circle with chalk. Barry tried to pet Hal soothingly but Hal remained tense in his lap. When John finished, he wiped his hands on his slacks and glanced at Hal.

“Here, kitty,” he chirped. Hal hissed and didn’t budge, and so Barry picked him up and carried him over, gently extracting Hal’s claws from his costume and placing him in the center.

“Et tu, Bar?” Hal hissed.

Barry shrugged. “I’m looking at is as long term investment,” he said. “You’ll be at least 80% less mad at me when you’re human again.” Hal’s tail swished and Barry amended, “70%.”

“Alright, alright,” John muttered, waving Barry away. “Get out of the circle unless you want something nasty to happen.” Barry obliged and stepped back and away from the space. John, meanwhile, reached for a small jar filled with some sort of herb. He sprinkled some in his hand and dropped it into the circle next to Hal.

“Eat that,” John said. Hal narrowed his eyes.

“Why?”

“Do you want to be human again or not, mate?” John huffed. Hal pressed his ears flat against his head but obliged, lapping up the herb without sniffing it beforehand. Typical Lantern. The effect was almost instantaneous. Hal’s eyes unfocused and he flopped to his side, ears twitching. Barry resisted the urge to snatch Hal back from the circle.

“What did you _do_?” Barry fretted, speeding around the circle in sharp bursts.

“Sit your arse down, it’s just a bit of catnip,” John mused. “Won’t hurt him. I just wanted to know if it’d work on him.”

Hal purred while John stood and began an incantation that must have been Latin. Barry, still miffed about the catnip, settled himself on a chair as he watched, prepared to thrust himself in the midst of it if anything looked to be going awry.

As John chanted, the circle appeared to burn. It glowed and pulsed and Barry was on edge as smoke rose and tangled around Hal. And then—

Hal sneezed, still a cat. John frowned.

“Huh,” John said. “That’s not how that was supposed to go.” John dropped his cigarette on the floor and crushed it with his shoe. “I’d wait for Zee on this one. Things could get sour if I keep pulling at a transformation spell that doesn’t want to be pulled at. She’ll manage better than me, she always does.”

“Is there anything we can do in the meantime?” Barry asked, scooping Hal back into his harms. Hal hadn’t stopped purring, and Barry kissed the top of his head in apology for the surprise drugging.

“Feed him catnip to fend off that ornery personality of his every half hour or so,” John shrugged. “Buy a litterbox.” At that, Hal’s ears flattened sideways again. Barry decided that was as fine a segue into leaving as any, and he thanked John for his efforts before whisking himself and Hal back to Central City, where Barry could hide them both in his apartment until they had their next steps.

What he didn’t account for was Iris West, who was waiting on his couch when he arrived.

“Barry, you’re almost out of chamomile,” Iris said, tugging on the tea bag string draped over the lip of the coffee mug she had helped herself to. “I heard about a scuffle in a library over in Midway, and was hoping for an exclusive with Central City’s hometown hero about what happened. You got a minute?”

“I, uh,” Barry began. Hal jumped out of his arms and padded over to Iris. He rubbed on her legs and Barry covered his face with his hands.

“Is that a cat?” Iris asked, reaching out and scratching Hal behind the ears.

“Not really…?” Barry muttered, pulling his cowl down even as Iris gasped.

“Is that…?” Iris pointed towards Hal’s tail, where the power ring cinched his fur. “That’s a Green Lantern ring, right? Is this cat a… Barry, explain.”

Barry wondered over whether he should try to explain that animals-as-Lanterns were actually more commonplace than what would seem reasonable or if he should explain Hal’s predicament first, but Hal made the decision for him.

“One of the bravest Lanterns in the Corps is a squirrel. Don’t act surprised that the Lantern Corps is an equal opportunity employer, Iris,” Hal said, hopping in Iris’s lap. She almost threw him off in her shock.

“ _Hal_?”

“Off the record,” Barry said, “Circe turned Hal into a cat in Midway City. We just got back from trying to shake the curse, but nothing’s stuck yet. We’re going to wait on Zatanna and see if she can fix him.”

“ _Bar_ , phrasing,” Hal whined. Barry flushed pink.

“I mean, er, returned to normal. Not… yeah. No. Anyway. Sorry, Iris,” Barry rubbed the back of his head. “I know you wanted a proper interview, but I think we’re a bit distracted for one right now.”

Iris shook her head, scratching Hal behind the ears again. “There’s no need to apologize, Barry. As much as I love pulling girlfriend privileges, I think Hal’s boyfriend privileges trump mine given his… predicament.”

Hal kneaded her thigh and purred as she scratched under his chin.

“I think he likes my acrylic nails,” Iris cooed.

“I do,” Hal confirmed.

Barry took a moment to enjoy watching Iris and Hal. He might have joined them on the couch, but his phone rang. When he picked up, it was Zee.

“Zatanna, Halisacat, JohnConstantinecouldn’tundoit, hesaidthatyoumightbeabletohelp—”

“ _Wols nwod_!” Zatanna commanded.

Barry repeated himself, voice comically slow. On the couch, Iris stretched out on her back, propping her ankles on the couch arm, as Hal curled up and dozed under her ministrations.

“Oh!” Zatanna said when she finished. “Do you want me to meet you somewhere, or would you like me to come to you?”

Barry glanced at Iris and Hal. “Uh, can you come to me?”

Zatanna appeared in a literal poof. She gave a bow to Iris, who clapped. Hal lifted his head and gave a bleary _meow_.

“Hm,” Zatanna said, bending down to look at Hal. She cocked her head and hummed again. Then she scratched him behind the ears. “This shouldn’t be too difficult,” she finally diagnosed, standing again. “Hal was undeserving of the curse, the magic won’t stick to him like it would if he had wronged Circe. Iris, it’s a pleasure meeting you by the way, but you might want to put Hal down for this.”

Iris obliged, gingerly scooping Hal up and placing him on Barry’s carpet. Barry and Iris moved the coffee table away and Zatanna rubbed her hands together.

“Lah, nrut namuh niaga!”

In a puff of smoke, Hal the Human appeared, looking bewildered. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered, searching around himself for his ring. When he found it, he slid it on his finger and stood. All of Barry’s relief flooded out as he zipped forward to embrace Hal and then zipped over to embrace Zatanna.

“You’re an angel, thank you” he gushed.

“Thank you, Zee,” Hal murmured, remembering his manners. Iris reached out to scratch him behind the ears and sighed when his eyes didn’t glaze over like Hal the Cat’s did.

Zatanna winked at them. “I also do birthday parties and weddings,” she teased. In the next instant, she disappeared; gone as quickly as she appeared. There was a moment of silence and then—

“Iris, not that I don’t appreciate what you’re doing, but you know I can’t purr anymore, right?”

Iris deflated and Barry pecked both of them at the speed of light.  


End file.
